Caught In Between

"...feeling under the weather weakens our resolve and clouds our vision; yet sometimes when we get bed ridden it gives a chance/time to reflect on things which fly by when we are feeling well and on top of the world. you got caught in between -- not on top of the world and not sick enough to take time out to reflect."

Michael wrote that in an email, after I'd written him apologizing for my cranky behavior at breakfast. Waking up feeling like I had swallowed glass wasn't a great start to the day. I've been out of sorts, not feeling well, tired of taking care of people (elderly father), restless for some kind of shift. My husband nailed it: I got caught in between.

A week ago I was high flying with the evening of theater at the Deerhead. But as the week wore on, my energy shifted. Dad was laid low. Really low.

On Thursday we landed at the home of a grieving mother. Friday we traveled into New York to meet up with family. Sunday there was a full blown jazz band practicing at the house. Late nights, early mornings. Lots of driving. Up, down, here, there, soft, loud, happy, sad.

By yesterday, I was unraveling.

And that's how life goes, right? We cling to, oh this feels so good, let me stay here. Then, push away, what's wrong with me? Why do I feel so lost?

Today, in between.

I get it, again.

Note to self: be like the river...flow.