Start Climbing

March 11. 2019

So, how's your March Forth-ing going? Did you start off strong, but felt the energy waning as the week progressed? Or are you holding steady? Maybe a little of both? I get it.

I noticed that the answer is in the doing is more a letting go, rather than a powering through - Less gripping the ledge and worrying. More surrender and trusting - not my strong suit. 

Trust? Let go? 

This Trust thing reminds me of an unusual teacher in-service I participated in years ago. Most teacher in-services involve mind-numbing power points, reviewing rubrics, save me 😳.

But this one:

1. Took place outside.
2. Involved physical activity.
3. Was fun and challenging and meaningful.













The day's main event was a "ropes course" made up of various activities to build trust + confidence muscles by scaring yourself silly. First, I climbed a telephone pole thirty feet up and walked across a rickety rope bridge to the other side. Right before my ascent, I grabbed the arm of Dave, the very kind leader and said, "You don't understand. I have a lot of anxiety, sometimes panic attacks, I don't think," while Dave gently pointed to the ladder.

"You'll be fine," he said, "start climbing."

Next I stood on a platform above a group of eight people. Their arms were locked together creating a human net. Everyone was laughing and smiling and cheering me on. All I had to do was turn around, fall back into their arms, and they'd catch me. That's it? 

Dave gazed in my eyes and said, "I promise. No one is going to let you fall. Trust."

Maybe it was Dave. He was so believable. Maybe I was sick of my own fear dog always nipping at me. Something said, do it, so I closed my eyes and fell back into the net of arms. My human net (people I didn't even know) easily caught me and lowered my feet to the ground.  My humans clapped, hugged me. I cried. But mostly I was laughing. And I was fine. More than fine. 

I was Brilliantly, alive fine.

🌞 Such relief that I had loosened my grip enough to do it.

Climb the damn telephone pole, fall off a platform.

It's been over thirty years and I can still pull the sensations up in my mind and body.

I am safe. 
I can do this. 
I have support. 
People are here for me. 
This is fun. 
+
I did it.

But who among us can be in surrender and trust all the time? Our knees are going to buckle. We can't let go into the arms. We chuckle, make light of our fear, feel embarrassed that we can't fully trust the person, group, situation to catch us. We hold back.

We want assurances. 
We want certainty. 
We doubt ourselves. 

Of course we do that, want that.

We're human scaredy-cats wanting a more spacious life.

Practice trust.
Baby steps, lovelies.
Let's make the trip.
Start climbing.
It's already so much better than we think.

xo b

🌀Thank you, E.L. Doctorow, for this quote about writing, and everything else too.

Writing is like driving at night: you never see further than your headlights, 
but you can make the whole trip that way. -