be not afraid (even though it's really hard)

 

July 25, 2023

Be Not Afraid is the card my husband picked this morning. This word card comes from a bag of words made for my mother, probably twenty-five years ago. I keep them on my desk and love the thought of her hands, Dorothy's hands, shuffling them. I miss my mother.

Be Not Afraid is a good one for today as I come back to this page after a year gone by. Why did I leave for so long? I'm a writer, always thinking, always stories swimming, a constant school of fish in my head. Why go silent? I can say the world is too noisy and I don't want to add to it. I can say I feel speechless with all that is going on in our country and globally. I am so f*cking angry at the cruelty and contraction of freedoms brought on by people in power to keep others down. Roe vs. Wade. Voting Rights. The Weaponization of Hate and White Nationalism and Fear. The clown show of Republicans who are soul-less + shameless. Clown show sounds funny. I mean, Donald Trump, still? 

This is an un-funny clown show. This is a very scary un-funny clown show. 

F*CK. 

Be Not Afraid reminds me that every voice pushing back from hate and chaos matters. Yours, mine. There are more of us all over the world who are saying no to this rise of frightening fascism. There are more of us. Fearless women in Iran, thousands in the streets of Jerusalem, in the streets of Hungary, and right here in the not so United States.  

People are in the streets for peace, justice, fairness, kindness, and yes, love. 

Be Not Afraid reminds me I cannot play small. Be silent. That if I can't march in the streets, I can connect to community from my chair. I long for community. Maybe because of the roaring noise, I need to return here. 

My sanctuary is writing. 

And books and plants and family. 

Fear is a daily companion. Am I getting this right? What's going to happen if I say, do, take action on. Fires, floods, Florida. Some days I can be the proverbial bad-ass. Others, like yesterday, I was convinced the sky was falling. It was a hard day. Mostly because I was hard on myself. That's usually the case. 

It's really hard to not be afraid. 😳

The remedies? 

Writing about the hard stuff. 

Tending (+ whispering to) my exhausted plants here in Southern California. 🪴

Talking to my daughters.

Making a simple dinner and watching a movie with Michael.

Reading (always)

...and so many simple moments of grace when we open to them.

_______________________________________________

This is my offering. 

Our stories connect us. Silence and isolation, not so much. 

...and I've missed this and miss you, dear reader, even if it's just one of you. 

Just for today:

Be Not Afraid 

love and peace,

Betsy 🐝