Monday, September 30, 2013

Buddha Got Bumped

Buddha's head cracked off the morning we took Michael to the airport.

Claire said, "What does it mean, Mom?"

"I need to get out of my head." I said.

Or maybe it's just that Buddha got bumped 

But I'm thinking it's a message, like all the other messages that have been coming my way lately.

The girl with the bright green shirt that read


The old Volkswagen bus on the highway with the license plate


The sighting of a silver clothesline of spider web, strands floating in the cool morning air with a spiral web suspended between tree and bush, the size of a small dessert plate.

a blissful pause

And this snippet by Mark Nepo, favorite poet/writer, 

We can only consider things for so long. After a while, all the information - all options and opinions - will begin to weigh us down... It is natural to be cautious and thoughtful, especially when faced with important decisions, but often the only way to know what awaits us is to live it.

This circled me back to Buddha's head, sitting on the sidelines, allowing for the body and breath to do the living, rather than living above the neck, 


We've been slipping scraps of paper 
with drawings and prayers
and other good things 
inside Buddha's belly.

One of these days we'll put the head back on.

Just not yet/

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Practice Patience

All summer 

the fat pot of morning glories 

grew into a 
heart-shaped leaves
twisted thing 
but no flowers. 

Where was the glory?

The day before my birthday, Elizabeth said

Bean, there's a flower out there. 

There was one glorious blue flower. 

Then two, then five.

Note to Self:

practice patience.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Get Naked And Sit In A Bucket Of Water

A fish cannot drown in water.
A bird does not fall in air.
Each creature God made
must live in their own true nature.
-Mechthild of Magdeburg

If you've been reading along with This Being Alive you may have sensed my doggy paddling in shallow water, like a fish out of water, and then bitch-slapping myself for feeling that way. 
Nice, right? 
So along with naps and aimless wandering around my house (while sending out resumes and cover letters), I've been exploring, yet again, the geography of one's own true nature, my own true nature. 
And since today is the start of my new year...
happy birthday to me
I've been wading around in my true nature, in between anxiety attacks, teaching yummy yoga classes, pulling weeds, + sleeping with books - all of which are my true nature. Exacto mundo! 

I've been searching for years for one true answer, wanting that 100% on the life test, writing, reading, self-studying, sending myself off to Buddhist retreats when all I really need to do to be my buddha self is to 

get naked and sit in a bucket of water
which is why stumbling upon the photo of me in the old zinc tub was a great HA HA moment. Looking into that kid's face, her little shoulders so relaxed, it hit me -
hell there I am! 
So, enough slapping and drowning, enough postponing joy with worry, enough feeling anxious because I think I need to be something more than the kid in the zinc tub. She is me. Or I'm her? 

It's a new year and I'm claiming myself back. 

May you claim you too. 

step by baby step or one big LEAP

Henceforth I ask not good fortune -- I myself am good fortune. Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing. Strong and content, I travel the open road.
-Walt Whitman

xo thanks to all of you for traveling with me.