Friday, March 29, 2013

Bippety-Boppity Boop!

Where the hell have I been? 

Compared to the first year of This Being Alive when I posted every single day, no matter where I was, or what was going on, lately, whenever something feels awry, I wander away from the very things that bring me life. Like being here. i love being here

Do you do that? Drift away?

Do you find, that rather than taking the walk, calling a friend, pulling out a yoga mat, sitting down to write, or paint, or sing, you walk away from the very things that sustain you. 

Nourishing things are the first ones to go in a pinch?

I've been living, my practical life, keeping busy.

painting the middle room a bright heron white
back at work after last week's spring break
walking the dog oh the cry baby dog
making beans and rice in the old iron skillet 
undergoing not 1 but 2 MRI's 


That's where I got lost.

in worry. 
in what ifs.
in fear
in MRI land

No need for details beyond pain in the knees leading to the lower lumbar and shadows appearing in the images which turned out to be fine. No need to call my family to my bedside, and trust me, 

I played out that whole scene.

I worried as I do with anything medical. MRI's to me are kin to being buried alive. Friends and family can attest to my inability to be in tight, closed-in places. I'm the girl who always knows where the exits are, who walks the ten flights rather than taking the elevator, the one who keeps her foot in the back door at all times. You never know when you need to run.

I pretend I'll never get sick, that my body can't slow down, or have aches and pains, or God forbid, more than that. I can't get sick. 

or I freak the other way: 
we're all gonna die! 

no getting around that one

You'd think, 
being a preacher's kid, 
I'd have all kinds of things to say about 

Jesus and Easter and life-everlasting

I really don't. 

Although some days I've seen Jesus walking over the bridge near the railroad tracks in town, or driving the Dodge Ram, blue, with the big eagle on the back window, or in the peanut butter section at the market. 

I do think about new life. 

the woodpecker drumming on the tree in the neighbor's yard, sun spilling into this room, before cry-baby dog insists on the walk. Of course, without whining dog, I'd miss the walk.

And the woodpecker. 

new life is always right in front of me

a reaching out letter after a year, talk at the kitchen table with a daughter, the lone purple crocus in the leaves, a breakthrough in a piece of writing, Dad on the phone saying, Thank you for your sensitivity, hon then losing his train of thought, what was I trying to say? until he circles around to finish with 

well, bippety-boppity boop! 

and then a great chuckle...

I read this and loved it because it's so familiar. knock knock 

Worry is the diametric opposite of mindfulness. 
It is the practice of anti-serenity. 

- Aneli Rufus (from Spirituality & Health)

penny ross, painter

What was I trying to say?

bippety-boppity boop!  dear readers

xo b

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Unless It's Thoughts Of Summer

photo: michele berezowsky

Every now and again take a good look at something not made with hands - a mountain, a star, the turn of a stream. There will come to you wisdom and patience and solace and, above all, the assurance that you are not alone in the world. 

- Sidney Lovett

You are not alone in the world.

A comforting thought for this snow day, ice day, weather day. Schools closed. Winter holding on a bit longer even with signs of spring pushing up through the earth, 

and birds singing 
their little bird hearts out 
in the mornings.

Conchitta, my pet Cardinal

I'm thinking of you, This Being Alivers, 

on this snow day

Even if you're not feeling remotely alone, 
even if you wish people would leave you alone! 
still a reminder...

You are not alone in the world. 

A few mantras that have come in over the wires...


positivity: word for the day

follow your weird always a good reminder from Dad

Or this from my brother, Rob

do your best not to project 
unless its thoughts of summer 
and swimming in the ocean

have a beautiful day. xo b

Monday, March 11, 2013

You're Supposed To Be Lost

Life can be so damn weighty
crushing in some ways, especially for kids. 
There's a river of insanity-fear-based thinking running through the heart of our schools, driving the way teachers teach and students learn, so much emphasis placed on numbers 

on SAT scores and GPA 


what are you doing  
where are you going 
what's your game plan
what do you want to be 
who are you going to be
come on come on come on come on

pant pant pant

In response to this breathlessness,

We threw a different kind of ESU Saturday 

Inspiration Saturday.

We got on our mats.

We talked, wrote. 

We had The Fantastic 4

fantastic college students from the ESU Art Association take time out of their Saturday to be with our high school students in the most open-hearted way. They shared stories about their own college journeys, each one was so different, and not always linear the way we like to think things should go. 

Life ain't a straight line, right?

Angel, Matthew, Evelyn and David...

During circle time, how I love circle time!

A student said, 

"Well, when I was fourteen I was pretty lost but I think I know what I want to do now." she's 16

Matthew, one of the Fantastic 4 said, 

"I think you're supposed to be lost when you're fourteen." 


It was such an ease-filled morning, 

shoulders dropped, 
people chatting
just hanging out

+ a little body art a teeny tiny bit addictive

A question was posed:

What, if anything, are you seeking?

Angel the angel at the top of the page wrote 

I'm seeking my own. What I mean by my own is independence. I don't want to sound like a typical teenager that wants to be free but I do want to be free. I'm seeking happiness and adventure. I want to be different and change things for myself. 


That afternoon, Angel of the pink hair texted me:

Hey Ms. Jackson
I'm having such a good day now
I feel great
Thank you very much!

here's to being different.
here's to changing things for ourselves.
here's to independence and freedom

+ adventure. 

here's to more Inspiration Saturdays and Mondays and...

here's to finding our own.

xo b

Monday, March 4, 2013

The Unfurling of the Day

Today is cousin Sara's wedding anniversary. 

happy happy!

I always remember because of the message: 

to March Forth feels empowering, right?

and can't we all use that message most days...

be it baby steps or 

"mother may i" take one giant step...

softly, loudly, tip-toeing, shuffle shuffle, skip to my lou

simple steps, marching forth into our day.

Today's meditation from

The Language of Letting Go

We don't have to become overly concerned about changing ourselves. We can do our part, relax, and trust that the changes we'll experience will be right for us.


No fixing of Self required.

trust in the unfurling of the day.                                                                           

*claire flying with clouds on sand mountain at the ocean... xo 

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Twenty Seconds

It dawned on me just now, today, a day late

that yesterday was the third anniversary of  

~ This Being Alive     

[first post: March 1, 2010] 

Rather than prattle on about 

all the things on my mind

and you, dear readers,

know my mind by now  

whoa baby!  so balanced, right?

I'm offering

twenty seconds of bliss. 

to all of you Being Alivers 

shout out to our newest members!!!

click on (see ocean @ top!)
close eyes
drop those shoulders

I started this blog,

trusting my path unflinching 

and most days I'm on the path...

except when I'm completely freaking out

thanks for

reading [and writing back!] 
following along with the bouncing ball
and sticking around

i love you.
xo b