Monday, January 13, 2020

A Thousand Mountain Streams

"Once I rented the small writer’s cabin in the woods of Massachusetts. I had my mother’s old Volvo. Everything was fine until I drove the car down a short, steep hill to the cabin and couldn’t get back up. A tow truck came and hooked the thick chain to the car. The chain snapped at the first tug and the car came crashing toward the cabin. I tried holding the car back, arms on the trunk, but it was too much. It hit the side of the cabin, a tire blew. I don’t remember anything about the writing that weekend. Alone in a cabin in the woods at night, far away from my family, I wondered what I’d been thinking, trying to keep a car from moving downhill with my bare hands."

from Please No Life Stories

Reading that snippet, I have a physical memory of putting all my body strength into keeping the car from hitting the cabin. As if I could? Lucky I didn't get crushed. It's funny to me now, and yet car-holding woman is still alive and kicking and trying to crush whatever comes her way.

Last week I was back east to see family and friends. I got sick (everyone was sick). I hardly saw a soul. My cousin called to tell me her father, my beloved uncle, had died. Before that, two childhood friends buried their fathers in December. What to do with the news of loss? Of change? We cannot hold it back. We must try arms wide open. At the very least, unclenched. Questions we might ask:

What am I trying to hold back? Why?
Can I let my arms,heart/mind fall open and simply allow? 
Can I go with the river? 
Am I willing to relax and float?

It is winter, post-holidays, January. An in-between time for many of us. Some days it's hard to gauge my feeling-o-meter. 

Am I depressed? Quiet? Tender? Filled with longing? Joyful? Lost? Found?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.

 Rum wrote, Be grateful for whatever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. 

Back in California the lemon tree keeps giving. The sun is a gift.

Elizabeth Lesser writes: We can relax and float in the direction that the water flows, or we can swim hard against it. If we go with the river, the energy of a thousand mountain streams will be with us. 

May the energy of a thousand mountain streams be with you. ☀️

xo b