Tuesday, May 29, 2012

In The Tangle

The air is thick. 
Birds are singing in the heat. 
Chewy the big-eared dog 
is flat on the floor, tongue hanging out.

It's too hot to do anything... I love it.

The stillness, 
the hush over everything, 
like fresh-falling snow, but the opposite.

I'm thinking about Dad and how he doesn't remember breaking his neck last year, and a brother of mine, my hand mirror/ hard on himself, always questioning, seeking, big heart.

I'm thinking about marriage and Michael. 

I said, "I kinda wish you'd do yoga with me."
He said, "Every time I get on the floor I feel like you're scrutinizing me, so it's not that much fun..."
He's so right.
I said, "Maybe we just shouldn't do anything together." 
We had a good laugh stretched out on the big bed.
This is the ease in the tangle of married life.

But right now I'm thinking about how much 

I love Lao-Tzu 

and the things that guy said oh so many years ago

Chew on this one:

Stop leaving and you will arrive
Stop searching and you will see
Stop running and you will be found

~ a breath of fresh air on a very hot day.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Laugh More

My brother Rob drove up the mountain to the farm last night with Dad, Claire, and her cousin, Reeve to kick off the season opener on the old family farm.

He sent this photo: 

Out on the Savannah...

Looks like we've got some mowing to do. 
And a dip in the cold cold pond.
And sitting under the old pear tree. 

But mostly my intention is to...

here's to laughing.

xo b

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Where Are You?

The church sign read:

Jesus is in heaven.
Where are you?

First thought: New Jersey

driving home with Claire after a weekend away visiting dear friend, Pearly, who lives near the ocean

my bliss zone.

Where are you? 

came up this morning, walking Chewy, the big-eared dog down Truman Street, rain spritzing my face and

everything around me


I'm walking the dog.

But within a few steps I was back into an event from three weeks ago, then I shot ahead into my office going through emails and  planning Thursday's event with the students, then veering back to last night on the phone with Dad hearing his confusion over his cell phone and how it has crashed, then at the bus stop with Claire a half-hour before walking the dog, drops hitting the hood of the car, waiting for the lights of the bus to flash through the trees

this thought roller coaster lasted 30 seconds/

Chewy stopped to bury his nose in some greenery 
and I came back 
to the road underneath my feet, 
the dripping trees, 
Truman Street, 
wet air,
the dog at the other end of the leash.

It's a great question, where are you?

Try it today when you find your mind wandering to past or future events, come back to the ground under your feet, the air around you, the beating of your heart, the breath

where am i right now?

let me know what you discover ~


Thursday, May 17, 2012

The Decks Are Clear

I called Dad to say hello.
"So, what happened with the eye doctor, Dad?"
"You know, Bets, the mind...well, it's a funny thing. I can't seem to pull that up at the moment."
"That's okay, Dad."

Note to self: stop asking Dad about appointments.

I spin off about the dream I had 

with my grandparents, 

"You're Mom and Dad," I said.

Ellsworth and Jean

How they've come back from the dead. 

Fully dressed in their Sunday best.

"Pop Pop was wearing a fedora and his bright white clerical collar, weeping tears of joy saying, It's a miracle, it's a miracle because grandma was back, I guess she was the one who had come back, Pop Pop and I were hugging her. The whole thing was in black and white. I threw my arms around both of them. Very dramatic."
"I guess it was a visit," I said.
"You know, some days I'm sitting and I think to myself, yes, mother father, both gone, the decks are cleared on that point," he said.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Shout It Out With Feeling

Who knows what lies inside each gem of a person...

This is Elizabeth:

beautiful grandaughter/ first day on the planet. 

December 13, 2006

Tonight is her pre-school graduation.

Crazy, serious time-shifting.

I wanted to give her something that would be memorable, something that wouldn't get lost in a pile of stuff under her bed so I gifted her a plant from my garden, a lovely yellow flowering plant (don't know the name) that comes back every year and keeps spreading itself thicker each time.

It blooms all summer.

She'll like it. 

Every spring she helps me 
plant impatiens up my walkway.

All her life, she's been a worm farmer.

E is lively, loving, curious, very sensitive, occasionally difficult to her mother, but never for me, her Bean. For this, I am grateful.

Tender stuff. Yes?

In celebration of her "moving up day" I am passing along a new ditty she burst out with the other day. Perhaps you're still quietly saying, I dwell in the midst of infinite abundance, (shared a few posts back.) 

If so,

keep up the mumbling muttering praying. 
It's a goody.

But this one, 
if done with enthusiasm,                                            
shout it out with feeling!!!                                                            

Woo Hoo
Dinky Dinky
Don't get dressed!!

can [ and will ] get your chakras spinning.

woo hoo dinky dinky

Thanks for that one, E.

xo your bean.

ps. good to wear the suit to graduation 'cause you

never know when you might come upon 
a pond 
or lake
or trickling stream
or wide, blue ocean

and need to take a plunge ~

Sunday, May 13, 2012

mama love


Today we celebrate and honor our Mother.  The one who gave us birth and the one who loved and raised us.   There is no one in our life who will ever know us so well or love us so fully as our Mother.  And no one who will ever forgive us so quickly!  Today, perhaps consider taking a moment to remember and thank her and send the warmth of your love.  Where ever she is and whatever your relationship might be, there is always room for love.

And as you celebrate today, perhaps also consider remembering those other special people in your life who have believed in you deeply and cared about your well being and happiness.  For they too have loved you in a very deep way.

And, finally, remember to honor yourself and the many ways in which you offer love and support!  You too, are part of the Divine Feminine and have that powerful capacity of love flowing through you as well. Know that you are very loved and are, in fact, Love itself.

So today, on Mother's Day, I also celebrate and honor you!

thanks beth...

This lovely note from friend, Beth, felt so spot on I decided to lift her words cut and paste!] onto      

This Being Alive...                                                                                                                                                                               
Know that you are very loved, 
and are, in fact, 
Love itself.


Here's to mama love.  and *bean love too...

xo b


Thursday, May 10, 2012

No Es Grave.

The problem with these daily calendars that you get for Christmas is that you, or I, end up saving the pages rather than enjoying them for that day, then tossing. Maybe it's a New Yorker cartoon that I can't part with, or in this year's case, my daily calendar full of Spanish phrases that may be useful down the road.

No digas nada. = say nothing 

is an excellent mantra for me, especially while in conversation with my husband and the man really hasn't asked for my opinion. 

But I have so many good ideas, so much insight, so...

No digas nada.

or try Su cara me recuerda a alguien. =

You look familiar.
Lit.: Your face makes me think of someone

...when curiously gazing at your face in the mirror, not certain if it's really you. Somehow things have changed on the landscape since the day before and you're questioning the jar of cream that's supposed to help with all that stuff. 

Actually washing my face would be a good first step. 

at least splash some water on it before leaving the house!

At this point it helps to say, over and over

No es grave. = It's not serious. really.
because it's not.

Carry on,
brush teeth,
run fingers through hair, 
give yourself a seriously big-faced grin.

Blow a flurry of besos = kisses  

at your own friendly face, the one that makes you think of someone

and sail on into this fine day.


Saturday, May 5, 2012

Why Not Smile?

It's early.

Out in the yard with Chewy, the big-eared dog, the world was wide awake. Red cardinal singing his bird lungs out from the top of the maple tree.

A whole host of other birds 

flying, hopping, chirping.


I wanted to put a bird audio on here for you. Pulling out of my seven o'clock in the morning already head-banging mind, I stopped THINKING long enough to really listen to the birds. 


Right in my own backyard 
dog straining on leash to sniff lilies of the valley
my hair sticking up.

Birds don't give a shit about hair.

Thank you birds/

I am off to be with my students. 

They are wonderful people with their

own stories, wishes, dreams, longings.

It's a gift to be with them in their youthfulness especially after the other day, sitting with my neighbor, Arnold, ancient one. 

He is a dying man, 
face yellowing, 
but his eyes very very blue.                                         

Like the sky blue.

Normally being with him, a dying man, would've spun me out, made me recoil. But it was peaceful. Oddly. 

I held his hand, looked him in the eye, enjoyed his smile,

why is he smiling? he's dying, I thought.

Why not smile?

This is a Saturday ramble about 

birds and kids and dying and smiling

~ I miss you.

Peace be with you 
and your families 
and this sweet, beautiful, old earth.