Think Love

When you think about others, 


think love.


When you think about yourself, 


think love.


Then, watch your thoughts transform your reality.


- from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

Like A Really Great Vacation

What would it feel like to let go of wanting 


to change anything? even for sixty seconds...


your slightly crooked teeth
your work
bank account
what you did when you were seventeen
friends
fear of elevators
the weather (which has changed since yesterday's brooding sky)
your age
your partner
the town you live in
this moment


etc.


Everything cool just the way it is right now.


I'm thinking it could be like a really great vacation.

I Thought Of You

I am not here. 


But my brother, Rob, his daughter, Reeve, and Claire are [without us this year]...wading through their campsite on this Monday morning. Shades of our *camping experience last summer at Hither Hills State Park in Montauk, NY where I managed to post a blog every day while living in a tent. 


I was fervent in my dedication.


Yesterday was a wash; I was not fervent. 


I mustered the energy to teach a 7:15 am yoga class where we lay on our mats in savasana, breathing along to the steady drumbeat of rain. 


I came home, 
walked Chewy, 
and quietly crawled back into bed. 


And stayed there. 
All day.
Almost. 


Around three in the afternoon, Michael and I donned raincoats and took Chewy out to throw him a tennis ball. I pulled weeds. Michael threw the ball. 


Chewy, 
wet, smiling dog
skidding across the grass
green ball in mouth. 


The rain fell, 
a steady veil, 
unraveling from the sky.


Everything, a deep green.


A bright green leaf stuck to my red garden clogs. 
I wanted a picture but it was raining too hard. 


See wet green leaf stuck to bright red garden clog.


Yesterday I was fallow? 


I never showed up for This Being Alive. 


Rather than force myself to write, think, create 


~ I did next to nothing.

Wait. Not true. 


I did come to the computer, 
more than once, and stared at the screen. 
And thought what to write? 
then went back to bed. 
And read. 
And napped. 
And lay across the bed horizontally, 
just to change things up. 

At 8:30 pm, I sat one last time, staring at the screen. 


I thought of you ~


blew a kiss, 


then climbed back into bed 
with
a book
cup of tea 
and the rain.

It was that kind of day.


How was yours?


*Read "Salt Air" (and other posts from that week) July 13, 2010

Practice Receiving

I called a friend to see if she wanted to meet me on my country road for a walk with our dogs. She showed up five minutes later. 


We walked, talked, listened. 
I felt way better afterwards.


I asked Michael if he would please go to the market 


because I just couldn't do it. 


He said of course, honey.


Simple stuff, but still...


note to self: practice receiving.

Do Not Hold Back

Six weeks ago, this Mama cardinal and her mate, set up camp in the tree outside my writing room window.


Together they built a small, compact nest that managed to withstand a few walloping summer storms with high winds. She sat patiently through the heat wave, beak parted. Occasionally she'd head out for a bite to eat, only to return to sit some more. She was very patient; a model of patience. And since I am most often impatient, wriggling out of yet another skin, I found myself sitting by the window to watch her. 


Every day I'd watch her sit. 


We sat together although she took no notice of me.


Fiscal matters, partisan politics, aging parents, litterbugs...none of this stuff was on her radar. 


She was nesting. 


Making ready for new life. 


Period.


It's been years since I adopted this small red bird as my official writing totem, my lucky charm.


A flash of red wings; I feel a charge: write. 


I bought a cardinal with my mother years ago. You can find these tiny birds in any floral shop. I didn't know that at the time. I remember holding it in my hand, so happy to have found it. 


Back home, I placed my bright red cardinal on the windowsill and wrote. That summer-into-fall was a prolific time. A full-length play flew out of me faster than I could get dialogue on paper.


It was a giddy time.


Mama hatched her chicks. Triplets. 


When I saw their necks reaching, mouths wide...


feed me feed me feed me feed me feed me


I thought, baby birds do not hold back.


A cardinal totem almost always reflects the need to assert the feminine aspects of creativity and intuition more strongly...They remind us that regardless of the time of day or year, we always have opportunity to renew our own vitality...


- from Animal Speak by Ted Andrews

Ready Or Not ~ Part II

whew.


read "Ready Or Not" August 1. 2011

The Minute You Feel

When the mind is quiet, the heart opens. A frantic mind keeps all the energy above the neck and keeps the heart closed. Sit quietly, breathe, and ask yourself how you REALLY feel. 


The minute you feel, your heart opens. 

- Chandra Alexander