Mrs. Klein and stuff about rain ☂

March 10, 2020

I'm back from a walk in the rain with Chewy, the big-eared dog. My pants are wet, my hair is wet (although I had an umbrella and a hat, I put my face up to the rain. Is it true that turkeys do that?)  I've lit some lovely sandalwood incense to counteract the wet dog smell - a curious combo of scents. The window in front of my writing desk is open and I see all the plants I've carried out to be in the rain.

rain
rain 
rain

Rain in Los Angeles is cause for celebration although earlier, the people at the Ralph's supermarket didn't look all that pleased in the parking lot. I, on the other hand, was laughing. I so wanted to do an imitation of Mrs. Klein, our junior high algebra teacher. She had a very loud, classically beautiful, New York whine. I loved Mrs. Klein, the way she faced the board but shouted out to the class behind her. People! Come on, People!

rain 
rain
rain

happy 
happy 
joy 
joy

dog with plants on porch

This morning I woke with my Henny Penny anxiety over the virus (+ other things, of course) which is very scary and causing people to clear the shelves of toilet paper at the market. Trump has been enough to put more people on anti-depressants and anxiety meds since...I don't honestly know when. But holy smokes, are we supposed to walk around gripped with virus fear now because I've kinda been...gripped.

I was a second grade teacher years ago. I've been a dedicated hand washer forever.

Shout out to my teacher pals. 

PEOPLE! COME ON, PEOPLE!

wash your hands and sing Happy Birthday 2x repeat
stay home if you're sick
stop watching the news?

I was still in Henny Penny-dom this afternoon, the sky is fu*king falling, and then came the rain. Then I went out in the rain and took a long walk with the dog - in the rain. Back home, I stayed out in the rain and pulled weeds in the front yard.

Weeds surrender easily when it rains. Be like a weed.

rain
rain 
rain

Maybe it's not raining where you are. 
Or maybe it rains so much the sump pump never shuts off.
Maybe you don't like rain and want only sun, or snow, or fog.
Can you tell I like rain?

I know this: with all the fear and anxiety that life already generates (especially if you're a card-carrying member of the Henny Penny Club) it's really important to cultivate a little sanity.

Do something nice, calming, kind for yourself, and possibly others.

Maybe, like Chewy, it's going with something like the double dog bed-thing. 

Whatever brings you comfort and ease. 

xo b

LEAP!

February 29. 2020

“Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to

draw back, always ineffectiveness.  Concerning all acts of

initiative ( and creation), there is one elementary truth, the

ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:

that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence

moves, too.  All sorts of things occur to help one that would

never otherwise have occurred.  The whole stream of events

issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of

unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance,

which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.

I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness

has genius, power and magic in it.”

- W.H. Murray, The Scottish Himalayan Expedition

_____________________________________________________________

I've always loved this quote. It goes straight to the heart of my own holding back in life, hesitations about doing what I love, my deep desires to create and connect when I know + have experienced the unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, when I've stopped thinking about it and took the leap. Wonderful things have happened, come my way. Things I never thought I'd do, but did.

Here's to not thinking so much.

I have to push my worried, Henny Penny self out of the way, relegate her to the backseat.  The one who likes to keep things under control, always preparing for the worst. Otherwise, I'd never do anything. 

What if I took a different stance about my life, a more open, trusting stance. 

In what ways can I leap? 
In what ways do I still hold back, stalling myself out of some imagined fear(s)? 

• Failure = so what. 
• Not having control of the outcome = we never do. 
• Having a dream but thinking it's okay for others but not me? = ridiculous.

What is nudging me (you), wanting my attention? Maybe it's tiny. Like, please take a walk. Maybe not so tiny? Like, please leave this work situation or find a publisher, move.

Not every leap needs to be dramatic and BIG or flashy.  I've never been a fan. But I'm more open to bigger leaps these days since I've often been tentative in the past. 

Hesitation, wanting to step, move, say YES, but holding back gives power to anxiety and depression.  I'm familiar with those dark twins. They've kept me stuck in some serious ditches. Caged when the door was open the whole time.

Hesitation = suppression of something longing to be seen, heard, put into action. 

Always the voice says not now, not yet. 

I ask, If not now, when? 

Maybe your leap, your decision, is to rest, relax, do nothing. 

Maybe it's to release yourself from someone or some thing. 

I don't know what your leap is, but you do.

A leap can be anything. 

Whatever your leap, give yourself a firm yes today, drop the hesitation.

Take a leap with both feet (the only way).

See what happens. Stay curious.

It's possible you'll be amazed, surprised, freer, happy you finally did it?
You might end up saying, What took me so long?

Leap. 
Repeat.

Thousands of seen and unseen helping hands are supporting you/me. 

Sending peace and a dash of courage.

leap. 

xo b

*drawing by Michael Collins xo

Feast on Your Life

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life. 

-        Derek Walcott

xo b