some days 🍁

October 2, 2023

Some days I wake with what a friend calls, The Wobblies. 

The Wobblies arrive in a wave of worry and generally feeling unsure about the world + my place in it. That's before I've gotten out of bed.  

Morning routines help move me gently into the day, Wobblies or not.

Get up, brush my teeth, put on the kettle. Take my cup of tea and sit out front. 

Before our beloved dog Chewy died this past spring, the two of us would walk around the yard, him sniffing and peeing. Me breathing in the morning air, talking to the succulents, running my hand over the lavender in my neighbor's yard, putting my hand to heart as if my heart could breathe in the glorious scent. 

Always chatting with Chewy, my quiet confidante. 

I'd sit in the fabulous chair I found on a walk one day and write in my notebook about how weird I was feeling, but also about the hummingbirds, two of them, zipping around the front yard, briefly stopping at the sage and salvia for a sip. Chewy laying next to me.

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Today I woke with The Wobblies and a terrible ache for my dog. 

The air cool and crisp which is so lovely here in Southern California. October is upon us + here we go into this sweet season of change. How lucky to be here for all of it. 

Even the ache.

Today I did what I do most mornings. I took a walk. Said hello to the other walkers, people on bikes, people with dogs. Asked if I could say hi to their dog. Get a rub, a feel of fur. Kept walking up San Feliciano, down Providencia for a stop at Buddha's house. 

Did a laying of hands on his head. 

Leaned in for a moment, closed my eyes. 

Kept walking. 

This too, is part of my routine. 

One of my rituals. 

Rituals soothe me. 

October roses soothe too.

How do you soothe yourself?

I lean towards melancholy, especially in the autumn. Susan Cain, the author of Bittersweet, calls herself a happy melancholic. That sounds about right. So much beauty and kindness and love and joy in the world. So much suffering and loss and grief right along side. There is not one without the other. 

We all know this. 

And still, I remind myself daily: Above all else, love.

Namaste, my lovelies.

love, 

B 🐝