It's Not That Complicated

This is really not very complicated. Simply stop making excuses and look at your life. Decide if it is what you want - and change it, if it is not.

- Chandra Alexander

I'm loving "my Chandra" on this Ground Hog Day. She has a way of cutting right through the morning fog when I wake to mumbling about paper piles on the kitchen counter, how I want to live by the ocean but how can that possibly happen, and the middle-aged loop of...did I miss the boat, did I miss the boat, I think I missed the damn boat accompanied by there's not enough time, not enough time to do, see, go, make the film, learn Spanish, to to to...

what boat? 

I get it, Chandra. 
It's not complicated. 
Stop making excuses.


Change doesn't happen in one fell swoop, as Mom would say. Change happens by taking daily baby steps. most of the time...


Sometimes it hits you like a 2 x 4 and you're in change mode, whether you asked for it consciously or not. 



But back to baby steps.
Baby steps are good. 
They add up. 
Next thing you know, 
you're running across the room. 

Or skipping through a field in France. 


Baby steps move you forward. thanks Katie

Then you can LEAP like a gazelle? or Chewy, the big-eared dog?

note to self: it's not that complicated.

Whether Or Not It Is Clear

Feb. 1st


You are a child of the universe, 


no less than the trees and the stars; 
you have a right to be here. 
And whether or not it is clear to you, 
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


- Max Ehrmann

Yesterday I spotted this clump of snowdrops. 


The tiny white flowers caught me by surprise.


This morning, is mild, spring-like? Claire is on the bus. Michael visiting his mother in San Diego in celebration of birthday #86. 


Johnnie Collins my fabulous mommy-in-law is 
strong
bold
loving
generous
and as always, colorful. 
Even when things seem suck-ish ? she finds her way to laughter. 




She is an inspiration in remaining young at heart...

Happy Birthday, Johnnie-girl. 

I need to get up, shower, walk big-eared Chewy and get to work.

get a move on, chicken little!

This Being Alive, will be three years old come March 1st...

woo-hoo...

I miss showing up here every day. 

balance time ease do what you can

Mom always said, You can't make every set, dear.

but but...

I will go forth today - 

sure that events will move me in the right direction 

even though I can't see what's around the corner.

- Mom's Meditation Book

go gently, dear readers.

let your heart lead your way.

photo of Venice Beach courtesy of brother, Rob.

A Beautiful Light In The World

Received this email from my brother on Jan. 20th. about our friend, Catherine...


Hi all,

I wanted to let you know that Catherine is in intensive care at Morristown Medical Ctr. She has been diagnosed with Leukemia.  Rolf doesn't have a lot of information at the moment. He sounded exhausted. He did say he is very impressed with the medical care and they hope to determine the type of leukemia in the next day or two.  Right now they're trying to stabilize her. 

I'll keep you posted.
Love, Dave 


Then two days ago...


Hi all,

Catherine died last night at 10:25. I don't have anymore information at the moment e.g. Funeral. I will keep you posted. 

Love, Dave 


It was very sudden. She was supposed to stabilize. Then we'd visit and she'd get better. We go along, mumbling about the toothpaste stuck in the sink, or the dog needing to be walked, or the checking account not up to par and then a sudden thing happens


and I am stopped in my tracks


I could be


drinking tea with a friend
moon-gazing
napping with my husband
calling to tell someone I love them


We all know this. I know this. And still I lean towards the worrisome places and dissatisfaction about my life as it is. 


still?


Dad says, 


Live with joyous ease and delightful uncertainty 


This is my daily practice. I fail often but keep trying.


What about... "or that it’s been decided that if you lie down no one will die."

-Robert Bly

What about that?

Catherine was 
a hugger 
a laugher
a magician with a sewing needle
a wife, mother, friend. 


A very kind and gentle woman.


She is a beautiful light in the world.


photo: courtesy of my brother, Rob, in California...

Nothing Startling

Dad and I have been playing phone tag. 


He doesn't always hear it, tucked in his pocket. 
He could use Chewy's big ears.


Today's final message...


Hi Bets
All is going along
Nothing startling
I think I'll go back to my nappy
love, Papski


nothing startling.i'll take it.

A Game Of Tag

You're It


         God
    Disguised
As a myriad things and 
    Playing a game
        Of Tag


Has kissed you and said,
        "You're it -


I mean, you're Really IT!"


          Now
   It does not matter
What you believe or feel


For something wonderful,


Major-league Wonderful
     Is someday going
             To


          Happen.


          - Rumi


peace be with you on this Sunday morning...

Until The Sun Moved

When the 3 hour work meeting got cancelled due to potential weather issues, there is a God there is a God, I staked out a spot on the window seat with the following items...


pillow
blankie
sunshine
cup of tea
book
journal


and stayed until the sun moved. all morning


After a bowl of oatmeal
another cup of tea
and a brisk walk with Chewy,


I landed here, in Claire's cozy room... 





















to curl up with Owen, our orange cat 
and Steve, the big bear.


I brought to the daytime chill-fest, 
my pillow
blankie
books
journal
laptop
and a folder full of writing dating back to 2005.












A Chinese proverb from an old Zen Calendar fell out of the folder:


To be uncertain is to be uncomfortable,
but to be certain is to be ridiculous.


I am definitely NOT ridiculous


















And this, from the writer, Erica Jong:


How To Save Your Own Life


* Renounce useless guilt
* Don't make a cult of suffering
*Live in the now (or at least the soon)
*Always do the things you fear the most; courage is an acquired   taste, like caviar
* Trust all joy
*If the evil eye fixes you in its gaze, look elsewhere
* Get ready to be eighty-seven


Renounce useless guilt + trust all joy 


are 2 of my favorite mumblings. 


Practicing the one increases the other.


                      guilt is not > joy 



There are mucho projects I could be tackling right now. But they're not going anywhere. Today, I wrote myself a permission slip to 


chill with Owen and Steve the big bear   


and the dog barking  Must be Ellen, our mail carrier/person

and not feel bad about it, darnit!

ah ha! staring out the window is good for your mental health

Friday mantra:


renounce useless guilt/ trust all joy 


repeat often 


xo b

LOVE

just for today.