Sunday, November 11, 2012

Held Up By Love

Dr. Falbo, beloved therapist

used to say that my world was a tad small.

Besides teaching by day, and being a Mom to Jesse, 

I lived a funny triad life of

and hanging with my dog, Che (rhymes with Ray)

this practice, helped me to feel that I wasn't 

completely losing my mind.

Beloved therapist would say, 

Blanche, he called me Blanche,

you are not crazy. 
you are one of the sanest people I know, trust me, 

This puffed me up, 

thank god i'm not nuts...followed by,

if I'm not crazy, well, the world is in a pickle.

Che died/
Beloved therapist moved.
Bed and books remain. 

Plus the Ladies Home Journal I took from the dentist's office on Thursday where one of the headlines, Mood News: Dressing Up Is Good For Your Soul, caught my eye. And the shrimp recipe which looked absolutely delicious and which I'm quite certain I will never make.

It's been a long couple of weeks for many people, especially in the New York/ New Jersey area, where to begin to pick up the pieces, so whenever I start feeling sorry for myself over the front of our house which looks like a giant marched through, toppling six very big trees, I tell myself, get over it. 

More than a few things have crossed my mind lately 

way more than a few, trust me

like Why is this Pig wearing a Tommy Bahama shirt, while riding the bus panty-free? The same goes for his best friend, Hudson, the mouse. Nice tailored jacket but no pants. 

Just inquiring.

[ Poppleton and Friends - Cynthia Rylant, Illustrated by Mark Teague]

or should a mother be concerned when her daughter, outside with the dog for his morning pee, is inhaling helium from the shriveling birthday balloons tied to the chair? 

Yes, I taught her this but still.

Just wondering.

And in my journal, this recurring theme of 

lost and found-ness

I am not lost. That is a lie I tell myself. I can work myself up about degrees not earned, career paths not taken, money yet to be saved, I can beat the crap out of myself if that makes me feel worthy in some warped way? Or I can practice, in this moment, self-love and kindness, tenderness towards self and others, practice this for one minute, five minutes

I went on to write two pages of things I was grateful for

my brothers
warm house
daffodil bulbs

being held up by love

and a thousand unseen helping hands ~

xo b

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