Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Last Supper?


"So, Mom?"
"Yes, Claire."
"If you were going to die in a few hours what would you eat?"
"What?"
"This is one of those weird death-y questions, Mom, so please just..."
"Okay."
"So?... What would you eat?"
"Gosh, honey, I really don't know. I'm not sure I'd be thinking about food if..."
"Mom. Just think about it. Try."
"Okay, warm pecan pie with vanilla ice cream? Maybe one of Daddy's shrimp dishes? Peanut butter? Gee, Claire, this is hard..."
"King-sized Kit Kat bar!"
"What?"
"I would have one of those king-size Kit Kat bars, [arms spread out really wide here] and no parents or grown ups could tell me otherwise."
"Okay."



Tuesday, March 23, 2010

First Amendment Blues


Lately I'm not getting the whole bumper sticker thing. I mean, I love teach peace. I feel warm and fuzzy when I see make love, not war. Granted, it's been awhile since I've seen that, but you have to admit, it's one of the best ever. Ones like My child is an honor student at Hopeful Times Junior High, get on my nerves. I'm not exactly sure why, but they do. Sorry, parents.

Today I was walking through a parking lot when I had this sticker sighting. The RSU decal was my first clue: RSU, Redneck State University. Never heard of it, but what do I know? Then my eyes latched onto, How 'bout I put my carbon footprint up your liberal ass?"

I quickly glanced over my shoulder to make sure some guy wasn't heading my way with a boot aimed at my butt.

I'll never hold hands and sing Kumbaya with the driver of that particular vehicle. I know what you're thinking but, nope. It wasn't that baby blue Beetle you've seen driving around town. But I would like to ask him, or her, what they're so pissed off about. The sad thing is, that bumper sticker was fairly mild compared to some I've seen lately. Call me naive, I just don't get it.

But, here's to the First Amendment; the good, the bad, and the ugly.




Monday, March 22, 2010

Like Breathing


It's been over three weeks now since I began writing, This Being Alive. It takes three weeks to seal a new habit, right? Seal?

Begin. Start. Make a go of. Just do it. No matter what.

Like breathing.

This little gem from Abigail Thomas' book is one of many quotes I have stuck on the bulletin board over my writing table. It reminds me all the time to drop my shoulders and just write. The stories always tell themselves.

"I didn't start writing until I was forty-seven. I had always wanted to write but thought you needed a degree, or membership in a club nobody had asked me to join. I thought God had to touch you on the forehead, I thought you needed something specific to say, something important, and I thought you needed that all laid out from the git-go. It was a long time before I realized that you don't have to start right, you just have to start."

~ from A Three Dog Life by Abigail Thomas

So, maybe for you it's taking up judo, or baking bread, or trusting yourself. Here's to starting, and then staying with it. Just because.

Thanks for reading...support a writer and share this with a friend.

xo bets

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Walking With Neeny


Neeny and I have known each other for many years, twenty, at least. We start talking before she's got both feet out of her car. And then we walk. She starts the sentence, I finish it. Or, vice versa. Actually, it's more like a ping pong game, little white ball (see words, ideas, revelations) flying across the net, back and forth. Sometimes the volley is easy, other times fast and furious. Or really funny. We have a wonderful gift of finding one another incredibly funny. Even in the midst of what might seem like really painful conversations. Trust me, facial hair is very painful.

We cover all of it; hormones, husbands, aging parents, our changing faces. We tend to be hard on ourselves, at least some of the time, but all I see when I look at her is a beautiful, younger version of Sophia Loren. Neeny is my smart, generous, funny friend and an artist in every sense of the word. I know she sees me with way more compassion than I see myself. After one of our walk/talks, I always feel stronger, prettier, definitely more open-hearted, lighter. That invisible riding crop that I keep in my back pocket transforms into a magic wand. I am energized with secret powers, rather than riddled with fault lines.

Neeny's been through many of my hardest life lessons, most particularly the death of my mother. Every year she sends me a card, or some beautiful small gift in memory of her passing. And every year I weep with sheer gratitude for her remembering.

Today we stood at her car for close to thirty minutes, after saying our goodbyes. This is standard. This is when we get to the real stuff, to what we've been trying to say all along.
My husband came out and said, "Are you two in some kind of cult?"
We looked down and noticed we were wearing identical outfits; black yoga pants, gray shirts. Mine was long sleeve, hers was short. We waved to him and kept talking. Just then, a hawk flew low overhead, a tiny animal in its talons.
"Hawk," we both said, nodding to each other.
Then she got in her car and headed to the market.


Saturday, March 20, 2010

Just As It Is












Practice letting go. The next time you find yourself mentally holding on to a past, current, or future event, release it, and let it fall away. Letting go does not have to be developed, it only has to be done. Instead of trying to understand everything or figure things out, simply let go. Let go of your desires, expectations, and fears. Let go of your worries and your remorse. Let go and release everything to be just as it is. Nothing special to be, no wounds to heal, no past or future to bind you.


~ from Lessons from the Dying by Rodney Smith



Blessings to you and yours on this first day of Spring.


Friday, March 19, 2010

Like A Mama Porcupine


Smack in the middle of my stuck-ness yesterday, I had an acupuncture appointment. Can you believe that? It had been many years since I'd had an acupuncture treatment, but my ailing shoulder propelled me to see Louise, kind healer, from *Wellsprings East. Before getting on the table, I filled out a form where one of the questions was, "What is your prevailing emotion? Happy, sad, frustrated...?" and then there was a ________.

I couldn't possibly choose. I cycle through all of them, and then some, a few times a day. So I didn't pick one. I just wrote on the line, I think a lot. I thought this might help Louise figure out the best place to stick me. I imagined my whole head covered in needles, like a mama porcupine, but she put just one in the crown of my head, and then tagged some other places on my body. I lay on the table and prayed that it would help some of the overflow rise out of me; a river of words and other flotsam and jetsam passing through the ceiling into the blue, blue sky. I was hoping, too, that my shoulder might let go of the dull pain it's been carrying. What am I carrying that I might put down?

When Louise asked me if I'd been feeling fatigued, I started to weep. Jesus, not again. But she didn't seem to notice, or mind. That's the thing about kind healers. They want you to feel better. So if you're sobbing in their lap, they hold your head until you're done. Or stick a needle in the top of your head. It doesn't make a bit of difference to them, thank God.


*(www.WellspringHolisticCenter.com) It's a miracle, I know. I linked.



Thursday, March 18, 2010

Making Toast


Two days in a row, things have gotten stuck in the toaster. By things I mean, a piece of whole wheat raisin bread yesterday, and half an english muffin today. The raisin bread was a very thin little piece so I thought, okay, things get stuck. But it wouldn't come out. I turned the toaster over and banged it on the counter, thus spreading an enormous amount of bread crumbs that had been roosting in there. I unplugged the toaster and began jabbing at it with a fork, then a knife. I tried the usual you mother f*@cking toaster, and still, the bread was stuck. Eventually it came out, but in shreds. This was a piece of toast that had been mauled by someone who really wanted her carbs.

Anyway, the very same thing happened today with the half an english muffin, and I knew then. Actually, I knew when I went to get ice from the ice thing on the fridge and the ice wouldn't come out, until I opened the freezer door and a bucketful fell on the floor; I knew it wasn't my appliances. This stuck-ness had nothing to do with my toaster or refrigerator. The stuck-ness was in me. Full throttle.

I did scream. Loudly and profanely. Note to readers: it's a miracle that you haven't read any bad words, yet. I have a fondness for them, but have earnestly been trying to write without them. I'm not sure how long I can hold out. I think there's some box I'm supposed to check on this blog site, to alert people to bad word usage. Maybe I should've done that already?

Okay, so I'm stuck. The more I fight it, the deeper in the mud I sink. Some days, the best thing I can do is surrender.

Put the hammer down and walk away from the toaster.