Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Trust The Longing

It was a three-day weekend of light. All I wanted was to wander around the yard, following the strips of yellow, stand in them, face to the sun. Michael raked out tangled garden beds. I scooped up the tangles and pushed the wheelbarrow to the compost at the edge of the yard. 

Yard work is good for musing about things. Lately, I've been musing about work, my work. The world of work. It's been twelve years since I've had a full time job. Where the hell did the time go? When I got pregnant with Claire and decided to leave my teaching career to be home, it felt incredibly right. And it was. 

But it hasn't always been easy.

Through the years, I've cobbled together different work gigs; writing and staging plays, artist-residencies and teacher in-services, writing workshops in my home, teaching yoga...and being a mom.

All work that I love and believe in. 

Cobbling's okay, but it doesn't pay all the bills. It's sporadic; it doesn't get me out into the world enough to share my work. I've been rooting around for openings for quite awhile. I know what it feels like to do what I love. I want to get paid for it. More often. 

It strikes me that the conventional world asks us to choose one thing. What if you don't fit in one slot? Where do you look? Who do you call? What color is my parachute?

Is there a job hot-line for cobbling artists? 

I'm taking action on my behalf. 
I am seeking a work family. 
A work tribe. 
A place with people like me?  

Lately my mantra is, what is truly meant for thee, will gravitate to thee. Some days this is a hard sell. This is where faith enters stage left, trusting the right door is about to open. 

“Ask yourself what you love. Without fear of consequences, without force or shame or guilt. What motivates you to be kind, to take care of your body, your spirit, others, the Earth? Trust the longing, trust the love that can be translated into action without the threat of punishment. Trust that you will not destroy what matters most. Give yourself that much.”

-Geneen Roth

trust the longing.

*If you know of a place for a quirky girl like me, drop me a note. 
I'll write back.
xo b

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