Friday, May 13, 2011

Our Conversation

Yesterday I went to post and couldn't.

Blogger down, the page read.


I kept clicking, no service. 

"I can't post," I said to Claire.
"Why, Mom?"
"Service is down, it won't let me on."
"That's awful," she said.
"You know, it's weird. At first I thought so too, Claire. But there's a part of me that feels relieved. I been doing this every day for over a year and..."
"No, Mom! It's not okay."

But surprisingly, it was okay. 

Blogger World was out of my control.  

But but but I've posted four hundred and thirty-six days! From campgrounds to Buddhist retreat centers! This is going to break my record!

There was nothing for me to do.

Understanding that was the relief. 

I closed my laptop and went to bed. 

Here's the thing about this place where I show up every day to write and put up my photos. 

I see you, in my mind's eye, checking in. 

Maybe you're at work, at Starbucks, or naked? 

I write to you, sometimes you write back. 

Like you complete me?

This Being Alive isn't about keeping a record alive, although I cop to clinging to it... 436 days in a row.

It was a breakthrough to let go of thinking I could control Blogger World, because believe me, I was looking for a way...

What did I learn from this technical glitch? 

It was okay.

And, I missed our conversation ~


  1. You freaked out too? When I saw that message I had similar pile up thoughts..."what? down?! not possible! you must work! you are the internet! i post when i want to! i read blogs when I want to!" I sat for a minute and didn't know what to do...I'd come to depend on your posts, my metaphysical soup for the soul, like messages in a bottle that reach me all the way out here in was so lonely not listening to your daily reckonings, not writing about mine, no one to listen to nor talk to...I'm glad we're back! (And I'm glad that you took the record breaking challenge in stride.)

  2. Phew! You're back. Love the Bleeding Heart symbolism :) Love from VT.

  3. Hello lovelies!
    So happy to hear from you, always.