Our Conversation

Yesterday I went to post and couldn't.


Blogger down, the page read.


What?


I kept clicking, no service. 


"I can't post," I said to Claire.
"Why, Mom?"
"Service is down, it won't let me on."
"That's awful," she said.
"You know, it's weird. At first I thought so too, Claire. But there's a part of me that feels relieved. I been doing this every day for over a year and..."
"No, Mom! It's not okay."


But surprisingly, it was okay. 


Blogger World was out of my control.  


But but but I've posted four hundred and thirty-six days! From campgrounds to Buddhist retreat centers! This is going to break my record!


There was nothing for me to do.


Understanding that was the relief. 


I closed my laptop and went to bed. 


Here's the thing about this place where I show up every day to write and put up my photos. 


I see you, in my mind's eye, checking in. 


Maybe you're at work, at Starbucks, or naked? 


I write to you, sometimes you write back. 


Like you complete me?


This Being Alive isn't about keeping a record alive, although I cop to clinging to it... 436 days in a row.


It was a breakthrough to let go of thinking I could control Blogger World, because believe me, I was looking for a way...


What did I learn from this technical glitch? 


It was okay.


And, I missed our conversation ~