Without Even Knowing It

I wasn't looking for another book. 


Scout's honor. 


Actually, I'd been practicing not reading as much because it felt like there was stuff stuck in my neck, between my head and heart. I was jammed.


"Maybe you need some time to digest," Neeny gently suggested, "maybe read one meditation book a day, instead of three. And then there's all the other things you read. Pick one."


This was not easy for me. 


I've always believed that books drop into my lap just when I need them, like today, when Elizabeth and I went to the library for a quick look. Nothing caught my eye on the shelf and then, The Fifth Agreement; a small book, easy to hold, the cover all golds and blues and greens. 


I checked it out. 


Elizabeth and I came home and ate walnuts at the kitchen table.  We sorted through the bag of smooth, round stones I'd discovered in the back of my car. 


Magic Martha's Vineyard stones.


"Would you like these?" I asked, eyeing an amber stone.
"Yes, Bean."


bag of stones + Elizabeth = contented child 


Then, this gift, from page 30:


Who is talking in your head? You make the assumption that it's you. But if you are the one who is talking, then who is listening? You, knowledge, are the one who is talking in your head, telling you what you are. You, the human, are listening, but you, the human, existed long before you had knowledge. You existed long before you understood all those symbols, before you learned to speak, and just like any child before he or she learns to speak, you were completely authentic. You didn't pretend to be what you are not. Without even knowing it, 


you trusted yourself completely; 


you loved yourself completely.


-from The Fifth Agreement by don miguel ruiz and his son, don jose ruiz.