Wednesday, June 22, 2011


There are so many ways I squeeze myself, 
like pulling on pants that don't quite fit?
This act of squeezing and jamming is painful - 
physically [ see neck and shoulders]
worry mind [ see obsessive] 
self-criticism [see often] 

All for not fitting? where?

I've written about this before. 
This underground not fitting theme stream is not new. 

It's not, oh I'm such an oddball, though I may be...

it's more, this doesn't feel right ~ 

Get me out of here! 

Here might be hospitals, correctional facilities, schools, football stadiums, elevators, funeral homes, board meetings, a thirty-story office building with cubicles, Thanksgiving dinner, airplanes. It could be the color of the walls or that the windows are sealed shut. There's a certain air-less quality I feel as soon as I enter a building or a room; my inner sensor says one of two things.

this feels okay or run for your life.

Lately the squeezing thing is all around work, or shall I say, career issues. Can you have more than one? Issues? Careers? What comes to mind when you hear the word, career? I've been fretting that until I nail down my career, I will not be okay.

Nail down? Ouch.

I am okay. As a matter of fact, I am fantastic. So are you. Just for today, I will not spend another minute engaging in the painful practice of 

squeezing myself into tight places. 

The rubber band effect, sproing! may snap me back to my old, familiar suffering place [see painful], but I refuse to hang there. 

This Being Alive is a no squeeze zone.

ps. Blogger won't let me download my photo (ugh!) so imagine a very light, expansive place you love; the ocean, a mountain top, kayaking, your bed with lots of pillows. breathe.

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