Times Of Change

Times of change are holy. We may not know where we're going. It may not feel like our feet are on solid ground. They aren't. We're crossing a bridge to another part of our lives. Sometimes we may find ourselves at this bridge unwittingly, not certain how we got there, not certain we want to cross. Other times, we may have sought, prayed for, hoped for, longed for this time of change.


Drive across the bridge. You don't have to understand it all right now. Information and understanding come later. You'll get to the other side. For now, trust and experience what you're going through. Know that this time of change is sacred too.


 - from Journey To The Heart by Melody Beattie


This passage spoke to me this morning, after dropping Claire off at the bus in the dark, moon still up. Every time she gets on the bus, backpack slung over her shoulder, face forward, I feel an ache.


I want to call her back
go home
snuggle on the couch
watch Sesame Street. 


I can't remember feeling this upside-down since my twenties, in the midst of a difficult first marriage with my young daughter, Jesse, by my side. This time is different, but there's that familiar uncertainty, not knowing exactly where to take my next step. Feeling like I've lost my bearings, not sure where the bridge I'm crossing or have yet to cross, will take me.  I've always been someone who wants to figure things out but this often isn't the answer and usually doesn't work. 


I get it's the mystery I'm being asked to embrace. 


The delightful uncertainty, as Dad likes to say. 


My embracing skills feel off. Maybe yours are too?


Just for today...


Open to the idea that times of change are holy.


And leave the figuring out for another day.


This Being Alive is taking the weekend off.
Go gently.
Peace be with you.

xo b