My Incessant Urge

I woke feeling rattled and weak. 
Middle age, middle school, Claire's math homework, rain?
"What's wrong with me, Michael?"
"Read your meditations, honey," he said.


September 20th.


Those areas of our lives we struggle with the most, such as impatience, control, energy, or procrastination, offer us opportunities for great victories. But even more, they offer greater learning, and the greatest chance for further growth and development when we relinquish our struggle. We can be certain that any activity attracting our involvement will provide chances to demonstrate both our positive qualities and our defects. Our human need to be rid of defects can hamper our progress, keeping us stuck in old behavior. But when we come to accept defects as normal, we can even capitalize on them...We need to remember that defects are generally assets that have become twisted with use. Therefore, we can understand their origin and smooth off the rough edges.


I read, aware of how I struggle to be rid of my defects...


If only I weren't so ______.


Then I'd__________. What?


Family 
friends
meditations 
yoga 
writing
all gently remind me that 


there is nothing wrong. really.


With me. Or you. 


We are whole and perfect. Rather than trying to scrub away parts of myself that I deem defective, maybe I'll try hanging out with all of me, and see how that feels. 


arms wide open, right?


My defects will offer me new learning today if I relinquish my incessant urge to be free of them.


[from Mom's meditation book: The Promise of a New Day]