December 7 • 2023
Words are guides. Simple reminders. I need them daily.
From a very young age, words are how I've attempted to organize my world. I remember sitting up in the tree on the side of our yard in Wilmington. Dad nailed a small plank of wood over two branches for my desk. I'd sit inside the branches with a clipboard, paper and pencil, and write stuff. It was my own little writing fort.
What was I writing at six years old. Seven?
Why is it like breathing to me all these years later?
Why is music like that for someone else? Or scuba diving?
It's a curious thing. I like wondering about it.
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There are cartons of journals in our garage. They made the trip to California when so much other stuff didn't. Before the move, I remember taking some journals (3?) and burning them on the bonfire out back in the yard. After flipping through the pages, so much darkness written down, I thought, Why am I keeping these? My daughters always knew something was up, coming home to find me out back, a big burn going. Hey Mom, everything okay? They were usually right about that. It was only a few books. I couldn't finish the job. The rest came west.
I built a lot of fires over the years in the backyard of our Pennsylvania home. We had a big yard, full of trees, so many fallen branches. Pitchfork in hand, I'd rearrange branches that had tumbled out. I'd drink an ice cold beer and watch the fire dwindle, my face red and hot. That was the best part. Those bonfires were deeply satisfying. I miss them.
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How did I wander from the girl in the tree to boxes of journals and bonfires and beer? And here now, on my back patio in California, there are no more bonfires for me. At least not here. The books are in the garage, waiting to be aired out. The more I read and learn about the shadow, hidden, fertile part of humans, of myself, I know there is much I could learn, and let go of, if I had the courage to open a carton and start reading. What part of me lives in those pages? What part could use some daylight? I'm thinking a project for the new year.
Words are guides. Simple reminders. I need them daily.
XO
♥️ b
xo from vt
ReplyDeleteHi there, Thanks for stopping by. XO
DeleteI have a few journals that may be best for the fire. They have many kernels of wisdom, but much more confusion I suspect. So I rarely review. I am embarrassed by my younger selves.
ReplyDeleteHi John, Thanks for stopping by and reading. I was walking the dog this morning thinking about the many embarrassments of my younger selves. It's painful to carry around. I so appreciate your honest share. I believe it's quite a universal feeling. Namaste.
DeleteThose younger selves were steps in our journeys, and the embarrassments, perhaps, are signs of how far we've come...
ReplyDeleteLove, kat :)